Are You Blocking Love Without Realising It?
Sometimes, the biggest barriers to love are not external—they come from within. We unconsciously act in ways that push love away, even when we deeply crave connection.
In fact, we might pull away or sabotage love even in perfectly healthy relationships with someone who could be the right fit for us. Why? Because our past experiences, fears, and unconscious patterns can make emotional closeness feel uncomfortable, even when it is exactly what we need.
How These Barriers Show Up in Relationships
You may not even realise you are holding love at arm’s length. These patterns can look like:
Pulling away when things get too close
Losing interest overnight, even when things felt great the day before
Getting "the ick" over small things – but is it really the ick, or fear of intimacy, emotional vulnerability, or something deeper?
Seeking reassurance but still struggling to trust it
Avoiding tough conversations because conflict feels overwhelming
Overanalysing interactions, looking for reasons why the relationship will not work
Sabotaging good relationships by picking fights or withdrawing when things feel too easy or "too good to be true"
Chasing emotionally unavailable partners while avoiding those who genuinely want to love you
These behaviours do not mean you are "bad at relationships"—they are signs that your subconscious is trying to protect you from something it perceives as a threat.
Why Do We Do This? What Creates These Barriers?
These patterns often operate subconsciously, shaped by past wounds and early life experiences. They are self-protection mechanisms, but they also keep us from the love we truly desire.
Here are some of the most common reasons we unknowingly block love:
1. Fear of Rejection or Getting Hurt
Opening up means risking pain. If past experiences have taught us that love leads to heartbreak, our brain may try to "protect" us by keeping intimacy at a distance.
2. Insecure Attachment Styles
Your early relationships, especially with caregivers, shape how safe you feel in love. If you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, you may either cling too tightly or push love away without realising it.
3. Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Doubts
Deep down, you may feel that you are not "good enough" or that love is something you have to earn. If you do not believe you deserve love, you may reject it before it has a chance to fully arrive.
4. Unhealthy Beliefs About Love and Relationships
Perhaps you have been taught that love should always feel intense, that conflict means a relationship is failing, or that true love should happen effortlessly. These unrealistic expectations can lead to self-sabotaging behaviours.
5. Avoiding Commitment to Feel Safe
For some, keeping love at arm’s length provides a sense of control. If you have been hurt before, staying emotionally distant can feel safer than risking the unknown.
How to Break the Cycle and Open Yourself to Love
The good news is that these barriers do not have to define your future. Awareness is the first step towards change. Here is how you can begin:
1. Recognise Your Patterns
Start noticing when and how you pull away, sabotage, or resist love. Ask yourself:
What triggers me to shut down or feel disconnected?
What am I afraid might happen if I let this person in?
2. Challenge Your Beliefs
Are your thoughts about love based on fear, past experiences, or reality? Try to reframe limiting beliefs, such as:
"If I get too close, I will get hurt" → "Opening up allows me to experience love fully."
"I always pick the wrong people" → "I am learning what I need in a healthy relationship."
3. Work on Emotional Security and Self-Trust
Self-trust allows you to feel secure in relationships. This might mean:
Strengthening your own sense of self-worth
Developing coping tools for anxiety or avoidance
Learning to communicate your needs openly
4. Shift from Fear-Based Reactions to Conscious, Intentional Love
Love is not just about chemistry or fate—it is about the choices we make. When we move away from reactive, fear-driven behaviours, we create relationships based on security, connection, and mutual growth.
Love Does Not Have to Feel This Difficult
If you recognise yourself in these patterns, know that you are not broken, and you are not alone. These behaviours are often survival responses from a past where love may have felt uncertain or unsafe. But you have the power to break free.
When we recognise and release these barriers, we open ourselves to real, fulfilling love—not from fear, but from security, connection, and self-awareness.
Want Support in Breaking These Patterns?
A trained relationship coach can help you uncover your blind spots, build emotional security, and create the kind of relationship you truly deserve. If this resonates with you, let’s connect.
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